Monday, June 4, 2018

Magazine Monday #23: Citrus-Glazed Bacon

Sometimes, in the world of food blogging, especially when you don't create your own recipes, and when your first shot is the only shot, things just go horribly, horribly wrong.

This one was one of those days.

I found this recipe for Orange-Glazed Bacon in a Rachael Ray magazine.  I hadn't picked a Magazine Monday recipe, and this one seemed simple enough, plus, the only thing I was missing was the main ingredient: bacon.

I also decided to get a little innovative and make not only bacon glazed with orange marmalade but also bacon glazed with lemon curd.  I'd never tried lemon curd before, but when I tasted the jar I had in the cabinet, I loved it, and decided that if orange was good enough for bacon, so was lemon.  For my first batch with the orange marmalade, I also decided to use brown sugar instead of the called-for white sugar, since I was pretty sure brown sugar was used to make candied bacon,


I followed the directions in the magazine to a T (minus the fact that I'd subbed brown sugar for white sugar).  It came out looking like this.

Not great.

Despite its horrific appearance, Dennis picked up a piece (the second from the bottom on the left, to be specific) and took a bite.

I have literally never seen him react to eating anything the way he reacted to that bacon.  At first, he didn't think it was terrible.  Then, about 10 seconds in, he turned to the sink, spit it out, and spent the next few minutes gagging and rinsing his mouth out.

He had some stuff to say about it.  I won't repeat it. He says I've put him off bacon forever.  I'm ever-so-slightly sorry about how hard I laughed for 20 minutes after the fact. (I did try it myself.  Although I didn't have the same reaction he did, it was most decidedly not good.)

Later, I asked for an official statement.

Dennis: "You said you couldn't repeat most of the stuff I said."
Me:  "I just said I wouldn't use the F-bombs."
Dennis: "Well, that's what I had to say about it.  I don't want people thinking I'm being negative about something you made."
Me: "If it was bad it was bad!" 
Dennis:  "OK. Say it was like rancid zombie flesh, cremated.  Burned to a crisp."

So there you go.  Rancid, Cremated Zombie Flesh Bacon, burned to a crisp.  This is week 2 that Magazine Monday went badly. (Although, to be fair, I determined that last week's recipe went so sideways because the donuts themselves weren't good.  I had more donuts from the same place later that same week, and they were just as disappointing.)

I tried the bacon a second time with the lemon curd, used regular sugar on some of it (the three on the left) and no sugar on some of it, and cut the temperature down by 100 degrees. It wasn't...the worst.

It was not good, mind you.  Just not the worst.

I'm not even going to replicate the recipe here, because I don't recommend it at allHere is the original recipe, though, if you're a glutton for punishment.  If you do make this, don't pre-heat to 400 degrees Fahrenheit like the recipe calls for; do it at 300, and do it for a total of 23 minutes.


The only photo I got of the finished product. I call this "Running, Madly, From Bacon."

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